


The Great Pittsburgh Bake-Off

by eafay70



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Baking, Competition, Gen, Magical Realism, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-04-07 08:23:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19081207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: Iceburgh is rudely disturbed by his humans arguing about who makes the best cookies. He provides the obvious solution: a bake-off!





	The Great Pittsburgh Bake-Off

**Author's Note:**

> This fic fulfills the Pens Monthly photo prompt for June 2019: [Iceburgh!](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Iceburgh_2011-11-23.JPG)  
> (None of you are surprised that I fulfilled this prompt, right?)
> 
> It also fulfills two prompts from November 2017, aka shortly before I started caring about hockey:  
> -trope (locker room shenanigans)  
> -picture [(jersey cookies!)](https://pittsburghisbeautiful.com/post/161928191233)
> 
> I have no idea which of the Pens, if any, are any good at baking cookies. I picked these players and the results at random.

The beginning of the hockey season was always very busy, especially for the mascots. There were all sorts of things that needed doing, and Iceburgh had been up until almost midnight for several nights trying to organize everything. He'd hoped to join the veteran players at an informal practice this morning, but he was far too tired to do anything but sleep.

...Or, at least, that was the plan.

Instead, Iceburgh woke up to the sound of an argument. He scowled, put on his earmuffs, and tried to go back to sleep, but it didn't help. The argument was too far away for Iceburgh to distinguish exact words, but he could identify the voices by their accents: Sid, Kris, Geno, and Phil.

With dramatic flair fueled by anger, Iceburgh tossed aside his earmuffs, got out of bed, and stormed out of his room. He followed the voices to the locker room, noticing the words "gross" and "sweet" being repeated but struggling to figure out the topic of debate. 

In one big move, he shoved open the locker room doors, walked inside, and GLARED at the four humans, which prompted them to shut up and look at him. His GLARE spoke so loudly that his lack of speech didn't matter: How DARE his humans - VETERANS of his team, to be exact! - DISTURB HIS SLUMBER!!!!!

"I'm see that look in mirror this morning," Geno said. "Sorry for wake up, Iceburgh."

"Why were you still asleep?" Sid asked, a slight hint of worry in his voice. Iceburgh flapped his wings and ran in a small circle. "Too much to do, eh?" Iceburgh nodded.

Kris sighed. "We're trying to decide who should bake cookies for the new guys. We don't remember who's done it before, but I do know that my cookies are the best so we should use them."

"Oh, don't mar your perfect hair and eyebrows with lies, Letang!" Phil snapped. "MY cookies are the best!"

"Russian best!"

"Mine are healthiest!"

This was absolutely ridiculous, even by hockey player standards. Iceburgh turned to the whiteboard, picked up a dry-erase marker, and got to writing. Once he was done, he tapped the marker on the side of the whiteboard to get everyone's attention.

"The matter shall be settled via a bake-off," Sid read aloud. "Each person is to come to practice tomorrow with a dozen cookies. They shall be judged on taste and texture, both when fresh and after being frozen. I shall organize a judging panel. Please direct any questions to me BEFORE 2 o'clock, when I will be settling down for a long nap."

All of the humans nodded. "Got it, Iceburgh," Kris said on everyone's behalf. "Sorry again for all the shenanigans."

"Have a good nap," Phil added.

Iceburgh waved in acknowledgement, then exited the locker room to track down the judges.

* * *

The following day, a significantly less tired Iceburgh led the four contestants to a conference room where three judges waited: Coach Sullivan, Jen, and Dana. He pointed to the message he'd written on the whiteboard: "Please put six of your cookies in the freezer to be tasted later."

Sid, Geno, Kris, and Phil all did so. "It makes sense," Phil mused. "With our diet plans, we can't eat this stuff all the time, so it often winds up frozen."

"Exactly," Dana nodded.

Iceburgh pointed to the three paper plates on the table. Each contestant placed one of his cookies on each plate, and each judge took one of the plates.

"Jersey cookies," Jen observed.

"Pens loyalty," Sid said. "It's a healthier version of a traditional sugar cookie."

The judges ate and took notes, then moved on to the ginger snaps.

Geno smiled. "Is based on Russian recipe, but not exactly the same."

These were followed by chocolate chip cookies from Kris, and finally Phil's oatmeal craisin cookies. After a few minutes, Iceburgh brought out the frozen cookies, which were tasted in the same order. The judges shared notes and whispered before Coach Sullivan spoke: "The winner is...Phil!"

Sid, Geno, and Kris looked disappointed, but congratulated Phil anyway. Iceburgh felt rather pleased with himself, especially since he got to keep all of the extra cookies!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> If this fic comes across as the author complaining about not getting enough sleep...well, let's just say I can barely keep my eyes open as I type this.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Great Pittsburgh Bake-Off [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759630) by [WhiteHaru37](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteHaru37/pseuds/WhiteHaru37)




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